Suburb Scraw

houseofjules2:

My sister & I tweeted about the Cubs at the exact same time (just as the super bowl ended), and didn’t even plan it!

houseofjules2:

USING INSTANT MESSENGER AT WORK FOR VERY IMPORTANT PROFESSIONAL THANGZ

Fave co-worker: My niece is selling girl scout cookies if you want any. They’re $4 a box.

Me: Four dollars per box?! Is the Girl Scout organization approving loans these days?

Fave co-worker: The Girl Scouts are the original artisanal bakers, charging artisanal prices.

Me: Lemme get my dentures in and tell you about how Girl Scout cookies used to be $2/box when I was peddling the shit out of them. What kind of cookies is she selling—not all troops/regions have the same ones available.

Fave co-worker: Thin Mints, Samoas, Tagalongs, Dosidos, Trefoils, Dulce de Leche, Thank U Berry Much (never heard of it) and Savannah Smiles.

Me: “Thank U Berry Much” is a cookie? Fuck that noise.

Fave co-worker: Its, like, cranberry nonsense.

Me: Hang on, I have to Google those. OH MY GOD THEY’RE CALLED “THANK U BERRY MUNCH”. MUNCH. Like, snack.

Fave co-worker: Munch is a gross word and probably illegal to use around minors.

Me: Stahp, girl scouts. You’re traumatizing me.

Fave co-worker: It’s like the weird ginger of the cookies.

Me: When do you need the cash? Or can I just pay you in organs? I have a kidney worth about $8 that I could trade you for 2 boxes of cookies. Just think about it and get back to me.

You do NOT, under any circumstances, call into a “Rewind” radio station that has a “Class Reunion” lunchtime show and, when the DJ asks, “Are you ready to go back to 1986?” answer “Yeah! That’s when I was born!”

You just DON’T. It’s wrong. Respect your elders.

A Hood? CRAZY CREATIVE.

The Today Show’s Kevin Tibbles (who I adore, and lives in Chicagoland by the way) is reporting on the deep freeze we’re currently experiencing, and said that it’s so cold that a little wardrobe creativity is in order. Then they showed a woman talking about how she’s wearing a hood today.

Did I miss the memo that said hoods are now a creative way to dress when it’s cold? Just asking.

(Source: suburbscraw)

Currently cracking me up: Roxie, whose ensemble for our walk today included the coat I bought for her last year (click here for video)—which actually matches mine almost exactly even though I honestly didn’t realize it until I made the purchase—and her new flannel beer bottle scarves, which were created when we had to trim up the bottom of the pajama pants my sister bought for Jim, for Hanukkah.

While I was on our connecting flight from Ft. Myers, Florida to Cleveland, Ohio, I listened to “The Best of Howard Jones” while I napped and had a dream that I had to explain to an angry, fifteen-year-old me (who bought that music originally—on cassette—in 1983-84) that it is the only nap-compatible music currently on my iPad. #officiallyold

Every single time I’ve flown since 1980, at the exact moment the plane’s wheels touch ground upon landing I think of the scene from “Airplane!” in which the woman at the airport announces the plane’s arrival at “Gate 18…gate 19…gate 22…gate 25…”

Listening to Kanye West’s “Homecoming” on Spotify, and after this:

“Every interview I’m representing you making you proud

Reach for the stars so if you fall you land on a cloud

Jump in the crowd, spark you lighters, wave em around,

And if you don’t know by now, I’m talking about Chi Town,”

my twenty-year-old son says, “Come on Kanye, you lived in AURORA, not Chicago.”

#westernsuburbsrepresent #betruetoyourroots

I just told my 20-year-old son that all my friends are going to see “The Guilt Trip” with their sons, and if he loved me, he’d go with me to see it, too.

I love when something random leads me to suddenly remember some obscure television show that I watched as a kid.

While watching “Christmas Vacation” tonight, it occurred to me that Doris Roberts has probably played more moms than just about any other actress, including the mom on “Angie”, a show that had only two seasons (from 1979-80) and starred Donna Pescow and Robert Hays, right before he played Ted Striker, the pilot with a “drinking problem” in the movie “Airplane!”

I’m guessing this show is not available on Netflix streaming.